Mama

As I read Katie and Nancy's blog about mama, I feel speechless, but also want to say something at the same time. I won't retell the story about her death, but will come at it from another perspective....

I often wonder the same thing as Katie: What would our relationship be like if she were here today? I know I would talk to her everyday (probably many times!) and I would need lots of advice and wisdom about being Grady's mom and Mikey's wife. But at the same time, if the past hadn't occured, I wouldn't be Grady's mom and Mikey's wife. And Katie wouldn't be Beau's wife and soon-to-be Anna Cross's mom. Our lives would have taken a much different route. We wouldn't have ended up in Pensacola and wouldn't have met the men who we would marry and we wouldn't have the same children we love so dearly. Please don't mistake me by thinking I am glad my mother died. I would never feel that way and don't mean to insinuate that. I am just saying that the Lord does have a plan for our lives and it is true that all things work together for good for those who love Him. It has been a long, hard journey, with more battles than I ever thought I would have to face beginning at such a young age. But I know that God's master plan is more than my small brain can understand. There are still questions on a daily basis, but when it all comes down to it, my family is more blessed than many- we have a lot to be thankful for.

I want to thank Nancy for being such a wonderful influence for us girls. I can honestly say that I would never have made it through such a difficult time without her in my life. The day Mama died, Nancy was in California with her grandbabies. She came home immediately and one of the few things I clearly remember from that time is running to the door when she got back, hugging her neck, and telling her never to leave again. I know Nancy would do anything for us and the relationship I have with her is much like I imagine it would be with my mom.

And there are no words for Katie... I hope she knows how much I love her. She truly was/is the glue that holds us together. She is my mother made over and I am sometimes jealous of how close her and mom were and for the 19 years she spent with her. But, as stated before, I know it was part of God's plan to make Katie as much like Mama as he could, to be there for us and to share her joy just as she would do if she were here.

I strive to be the person my mom and dad taught me to be. I keep my mom's written testimony at work and I often read it when I am having a rough day. It brings encouragement to me. It is so sad to me that Mikey didn't know her and that Grady will never know his Grandmother. She would have LOVED fulfilling that role. But I find peace in knowing that we will be together again one day, spending eternity together and sharing all of the stories we were cut short of sharing.